So there I was, enjoying a tall-boy, eating a microwave dinner, wearing a wife beater, and trying to decide if Vault can hold a candle to Mountain Dew (it can't), when all of a sudden I get the call:
"Hello?" I ask.
"Hey," says Tyler, "Its me, Tyler"
"Uh, hey Tyler. You just caught me between holes at the Country Club. What's up?"
"I just started a new blog called 'BlueNeck', and I want you to check it out. I was thinkin' maybe you could write for it. Cause, ya know, we're both so.... uh.... busy.... that more people writing would spread out the work."
"Go fuck yourself and your queer blog!" I shouted, and slammed down the phone.
I started thinking about it. When would I get the time to dick around on the internet talking to a bunch of faceless assholes? Why would I waste hours typing opinions and thoughts to people who couldn't give a fuck what I thought?
Then it occurred to me. I already do that. All over the place. So why not here too? If the internet needs one more thing, it is a place where two opinionated jackasses can spout off endlessly about whatever pops into their heads.
So here you go. Another contributer to BlueNeck. Now I just gotta think of something to say. Ummmm......
Showing posts with label miscellaneous. Show all posts
Showing posts with label miscellaneous. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
Are you a Blueneck?
Do you enjoy beer? Do you enjoy it even more when it is served in an unusually tall can or "tall boy." Do your meals often come in compartmentalized plastic trays? Do you sometimes substitute your morning coffee or tea for a colder, more carbonated beverage such as Mountain Dew? Do so-called "wife-beaters" comprise a major part of your wardrobe? Are you yourself a so-called wife-beater? Do you enjoy experimenting with facial hair?
If you answered yes to any of these questions you may want to consider the possibility that you are some identifiable species of hick, redneck, hillbilly, shitkicker, etc. But wait, before you mistake this for some sort of half-assed Jeff Foxworthy ripoff, consider the possibility that if you look down on such lame, red state pandering there may be hope for you. You may be part of the dying breed known as the American Blueneck. To help determine if you are a member of this endangered species, please answer the following questions:
Do you drink said "tall boys" ironically, often reminding your friends that you are imbibing "the champagne of beers?" Do you take a measure of pride in the fact that you live in a liberal, progressive state such New York or California? As a member of the lower- or middle-classes do you also bristle against the sky-high taxes in such states? Are you almost certain that you are going to vote for whomever wins the Democratic nomination but plan on watching the general election debates and keeping an open mind anyway because you're neither an aging hippie douche, nor a pissed-off whitetrash redneck (props to "South Park")? Have you ever, even in a brief moment of weakness, considered voting for Ralph Nader? (If you said yes to his last question you're most likely a Greenneck, or retarded, either way, read no further.)
If you answered in the affirmative to any of the above questions (except, of course for the last one) you are most likely a Blueneck, and this blog's for you, think of it as the king of blogs if you must. Bluenecks are those hard-working, usually blue collar Americans, who live hardscrabble lives but maintain their ideals of equality, those of us who live the issues everyday rather than just debate them. BlueNecks hope for change and a better life but seek it through progressive action instead of through Jesus. We get our news from Fark instead of Fox, and still think of Martin Luther not Stephen when someone mentions "King." That guy who hangs out at your bar that holds a Master's in education but still sports a nametag and hairnet because of a satewide hiring freeze? He's a Blueneck, hell he may even be THE Blueneck.
In the coming weeks and months I hope to attract to this blog the kind of people who identify with this persona as well as those who think I'm full of shit. We've all heard how "historic" and "change-eriffic or some shit" this year's election is shaping up to be but its hard to find a place in the mainstream media, or even on the Intrawebs where the people who are most affected by many of these proposed changes can discuss, debate or even ask dumb ass questions because their minds have been warped by the turd rolling down a hill that is the 24-hour news cycle. So feel free to leave a comment or write a contribution and check back soon, because if you giggled at the rolling turd joke, you might just be a Blueneck.
If you answered yes to any of these questions you may want to consider the possibility that you are some identifiable species of hick, redneck, hillbilly, shitkicker, etc. But wait, before you mistake this for some sort of half-assed Jeff Foxworthy ripoff, consider the possibility that if you look down on such lame, red state pandering there may be hope for you. You may be part of the dying breed known as the American Blueneck. To help determine if you are a member of this endangered species, please answer the following questions:
Do you drink said "tall boys" ironically, often reminding your friends that you are imbibing "the champagne of beers?" Do you take a measure of pride in the fact that you live in a liberal, progressive state such New York or California? As a member of the lower- or middle-classes do you also bristle against the sky-high taxes in such states? Are you almost certain that you are going to vote for whomever wins the Democratic nomination but plan on watching the general election debates and keeping an open mind anyway because you're neither an aging hippie douche, nor a pissed-off whitetrash redneck (props to "South Park")? Have you ever, even in a brief moment of weakness, considered voting for Ralph Nader? (If you said yes to his last question you're most likely a Greenneck, or retarded, either way, read no further.)
If you answered in the affirmative to any of the above questions (except, of course for the last one) you are most likely a Blueneck, and this blog's for you, think of it as the king of blogs if you must. Bluenecks are those hard-working, usually blue collar Americans, who live hardscrabble lives but maintain their ideals of equality, those of us who live the issues everyday rather than just debate them. BlueNecks hope for change and a better life but seek it through progressive action instead of through Jesus. We get our news from Fark instead of Fox, and still think of Martin Luther not Stephen when someone mentions "King." That guy who hangs out at your bar that holds a Master's in education but still sports a nametag and hairnet because of a satewide hiring freeze? He's a Blueneck, hell he may even be THE Blueneck.
In the coming weeks and months I hope to attract to this blog the kind of people who identify with this persona as well as those who think I'm full of shit. We've all heard how "historic" and "change-eriffic or some shit" this year's election is shaping up to be but its hard to find a place in the mainstream media, or even on the Intrawebs where the people who are most affected by many of these proposed changes can discuss, debate or even ask dumb ass questions because their minds have been warped by the turd rolling down a hill that is the 24-hour news cycle. So feel free to leave a comment or write a contribution and check back soon, because if you giggled at the rolling turd joke, you might just be a Blueneck.
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