Remember Dan Quayle? Walking punchline from the time before time (the pre-Clinton era)? Well, he's back. He's been re-incarnated as an even more dead-eyed version of his former self, carefully disguised as his own neo-con son. Like Voldemort from Harry Potter, he disappeared into the woods following his political death in 1992. The peasants rejoiced, thinking that He-Who-Must-Be-Ignored had perished forever. However, following a pact with the devil and some time spent living in Dick Cheney's forehead, he summoned enough black magic to assume human form once more. As part of the deal, however, he was forced to live in the hottest part of hell: Arizona. Worse, the Dark Wizard decreed that he must start his political career all over again, scrambling for entrance into the Chamber of Secrets, also known as the House of Representatives. This time around he resolved to be stronger and more dangerous, but just as much of a dumb-ass as ever. Below, he announces his return to the land of the living.
The worst president ever?! Worse than James K. Polk or Phineas Q. Pennyfeather?! Cripes! I'm pretty sure there's been like 4 bajillion presidents, so if Quayle says this guy's the worst, he must be really bad. Plus, wasn't he born in Antarctica or something? And what's this about cartels? CARTELS?! That's some scary-sounding shit. We need a guy who was "raised right" to knock the ever-loving shit outta this problem or whatever he said. The prophesied return of Quayle Man couldn't have come at a better time. He's back, baby, and this time he'll save us from the Mexicans and spell the shit out of "potato" (potatoe?).
Get it? It's Quail-Man from Doug. 90's throwback day, bitches. Get into it.
