Making a Difference

I was going about my typical business the other day, when I was chided by some fuckhead. I was walking down the street and eating a Double Whopper with Cheese. When I finished, I tossed the wrapper.

“Hey,” I heard, “What the hell, man?”

At first, I assumed that this wasn’t directed at me, but then the guy tapped me on the shoulder. I jerked my head around to see some douche wearing a ponytail glaring at me.

“Yo, dude,” he said, “What the fuck? Don’t just throw your trash on the street!”

I sighed. It wasn’t the first time I’ve received this sort of condemnation. I get it often. When I finish using a product, I don’t look for a trashcan; I drop it. I’m an environmental crusader.

I tried telling this to the fuckhead on the street, but he wasn’t hearing any of it. He insisted that littering was bad and that he was the one that cared about the environment. What an ass.

What does this dumb fuck think? That a trashcan is a magical portal to the Land of Oz? That trash put in a waste bin doesn’t ever touch the ground?

Trash that’s put in a trashcan ends up in a huge truck with other trash. The truck takes this trash to a landfill, where the trash is piled up on top of mountain of other trash. Tons and tons of trash piled on top of other trash. It sits there, fusing and mixing. Deadly chemicals seep into groundwater. Piles of garbage fall on scavengers. Three headed squirrels develop the mental prowess to telekinetically unearth buried nuts. All type of crazy shit happens.

So I do my civic duty. I spread the trash around. More surface area, faster decomposition. Seems logical enough, right? People who insist on putting trash in trashcans only care about aesthetics. They don’t give a flying fuck about the environment at all. They just want their neighborhoods to stay pretty. Well fuck them. They don’t understand just how important the environment is.

I told the fuckhead on the street all of this. He rolled his eyes a lot, but he listened. When I was finished, I said, “So I’m not picking that trash up off the ground. If you really want to, you can pick it up.”

He didn’t. I like to think I made a positive change that day.